I never thought I would be the sort of person writing about dating apps, but here we are. If you had asked me six months ago how things were going, I would have laughed and said they were not going anywhere.
I am 29, live in Nottingham, and work as an assistant site manager. I am not someone who struggles in day to day life. I get on with people at work, I have a solid group of mates, and I am not exactly awkward. But when it came to dating apps, everything just fell flat.
I would match with people now and then, but conversations never really started. Or if they did, they fizzled out after a few messages. I spent a lot of time staring at my phone, typing something out, deleting it, and then just not replying at all.
After about a year and a half of that, I started to think maybe it was not just bad luck.
That is when I ended up trying Flirtist.
Sorting Out My Profile Without Making Me Feel Like Someone Else
The first thing that stood out to me was how off my profile actually was.
Before using Flirtist, my profile was a mix of group photos, a couple of mirror selfies, and a bio that said next to nothing. At the time I thought it was fine. Looking back, there was nothing in there that gave anyone a reason to start a conversation.
Flirtist broke that down properly. It did not just tell me to “get better photos” or “be more interesting”. It explained why certain photos were not working and what I should replace them with.
I swapped out most of my pictures for ones that actually showed a bit of personality. Nothing over the top, just normal things like being out on a walk, at a match, or doing something that looked a bit more natural than standing in front of a mirror.
The bio was probably the biggest change. Instead of a couple of bland lines, I ended up with something that actually sounded like me, just a better version of how I would normally describe myself.
It did not feel forced or cringey, which I was worried about. It just felt clearer.
Within a couple of weeks, I was getting more matches than I had in months.
The Quiz That Called Me Out More Than I Expected
One thing I did not expect to take seriously was the dating quiz, but it ended up being one of the most useful parts.
It basically highlighted what was holding me back, not just on the profile side but in how I was approaching conversations.
I realised I was overthinking everything. I would try to come up with the perfect opening line, then end up sending nothing. Or I would keep things so safe that there was nothing for the other person to respond to.
The quiz pointed that out straight away. It gave me a better idea of how to keep things simple without being boring.
It also made me realise that I was treating every match like it had to go somewhere, which just added pressure. Once I dropped that mindset, messaging felt a lot easier.
It sounds basic, but having that spelled out properly made a difference.
Actually Knowing What to Say Made the Biggest Difference
The biggest change for me was not just the profile, it was the messaging.
Before, I would either send something too generic like “how are you” or spend ages trying to be clever and end up saying nothing. Neither worked.
With Flirtist, I had a bit of guidance on how to start conversations and keep them going without it feeling scripted.
What I liked was that it did not just give random lines. It helped me understand the flow of a conversation. When to ask questions, when to add a bit of humour, and how to actually respond to what someone has said instead of just moving on to the next thing.
After a couple of weeks, I stopped second guessing every message. I was replying quicker, conversations were lasting longer, and they actually felt normal.
That alone was a big shift.
What Actually Changed for Me
I did not suddenly turn into someone completely different, which is what I was worried about. I am still the same person, just a lot more confident in how I come across.
The main differences were:
- More matches without changing anything drastic about who I am
- Conversations that actually go somewhere instead of stopping after a few messages
- Not overthinking every reply
- Going on my first proper date in over a year
That last one was probably the biggest thing. It was not even about it being perfect, it was just the fact that I got there without it feeling forced.
I was sceptical at first. I thought something like this would either be too generic or make me sound like everyone else.
It did neither.
What it actually did was point out what I was doing wrong and fix it in a way that still felt natural to me. It took a lot of the pressure out of dating apps, which I did not realise I had been carrying around.
If you are in the same position I was in, getting matches but going nowhere with them, or not even getting that far, it is worth looking at.
For me, it was the difference between deleting apps out of frustration and actually giving them a proper chance.